What Would This NFL Player Be If He Wasn’t in the NFL? The Hot New Game That’s Sweeping the Apartment I Live In.

I feel badly about it, but I do my part to fulfill gender stereotypes. I am hopelessly bad at math, I stare blankly at people when they give me directions that use words like “east” or “south,” and my running form looks like the first half of this maxi pad ad, before everyone gets empowered. And of course, growing up, I could not have cared less about football.

Two things changed that. One was that I met and married a man who grew up in Cleveland, Ohio, which meant that for five months out of the year, if I talked about anything except football he would claim I was speaking into his “bad ear” and that he hadn’t noticed I was home for the last three weeks. The other is that I started playing fantasy football, which meant I had personal stakes in the game that motivated me to actually care about who these giant freaks of nature were and what they did.

But this year I didn’t care enough. Or I cared too much. Whatever happened, it was not the perfect formula for caring and I didn’t make the playoffs in either league. But, shockingly, the Browns were still in the hunt (and still technically are, but in order to make it, Johnny Manziel must stand naked in the light of the full moon and drink a potion of Bernie Kosar’s blood and Drew Carey’s melted glasses), which means that I still have to watch football in an attempt to “share interests with my spouse.”

So this past Sunday, we created a game that made football a lot more interesting for me and distracted him from the fact that the Browns were down by 20 points and were definitely not listening to his perfect coaching through the TV. And that game is: What Would This NFL Player Be If He Wasn’t in the NFL?

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The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Finale

The Finale!  WHO IS THE YELLOW KING?

Chris Harrison teases to us that the loser tonight has stalked Andi all over the world since the taping ended and that he is going to force her to meet with him later this evening. Sounds like a recipe for a Ray Rice situation.

We’re still in the Dominican Republic

dominican

 

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The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Week 9

Fantasy suite week always seems to coincide with the Home Run Derby. I’ll try to lay off the baseball puns this time around. This week brings us to the Dominican Republic!

jose bautista

 

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The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Week 8

It’s hometown week! Time to meet the people that definitely do NOT approve of their sons’ decisions to be on this show.

milwaukee

First up is Milwaukee for Nick’s family. Continue reading

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The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Week 7

This week brings us to Belgium.

brussels

Trigger warning: this post contains discussion about why Belgium sucks.

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The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Week 6

Tonight we’re in Venice

venice

 

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The Bachelorette Recap and Power Rankings: Week 5 (?)

This week brings us to Marseille

Marseille

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