Presumptive Movie Reviews

It’s expensive to see movies.  It’s not expensive to watch the trailers, guess what it’s about and try to review them.  Here’s what’s opening this week.

The Three Stooges

Slapstick comedy is weird.  Basically, people are falling down or getting punched and everyone is mean and it’s rooted in nothingness.  Now, I like people falling down, AFV (America’s Funniest Videos to the layman) is one of my favorite shows so it’s a bit of a moral quandary for me, I like actual people falling over, but fake people, not so much.  Actually, that’s not a moral quandary, I’m just a dick.  I’m not sure who this movie is for, I’m assuming 10-year-olds and people with no comedic taste but who like to laugh.  Since they are marketing it as very dumb people doing very dumb things, I’m assuming very dumb people might also be into it.  I hope it fails but I hope everyone who worked on it got paid well because I like people who work on movies to make a ton of movie and the people who thought this was a good idea for a movie lose a ton of money.  I’m so anti-establishment as I type on my Macbook.

The Cabin In The Woods

This movie is interesting.  Not because of the actual movie at all but the movie itself is rooted in spoilers.  There’s apparently two major twists, one is given away in every commercial if you pay attention, the other is not.  Either way, it’s weird the Internet collectively went “SHUT UP” in regards to this movie and its plot twists.  I’m not sure why this is the movie they decided is deserved of the “Don’t talk about it until you see it” status.  One the one hand, that’s a nice show of respect to the movie-going audience, on the other it ends up being a great marketing ploy for the movie itself, “Don’t read reviews, just go see it!”  Either way, I don’t care.  It’s a horror movie that tries to get meta on horror movies but in 2012, or any time ever, do we need meta-movies ABOUT genres of movies?  Just make a good fucking movie.

New Movie Trailers

Looper – Interesting.

A Fantastic Fear of Everything – OK.

Hysteria – Ignore.

Let’s all try to be as happy as this guy today Via Cute Overload

Kendrick Lamar w/ Dr. Dre – “The Recipe”

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