I watch Mad Men and drink and write down my thoughts.

For the season finale, I’ve finished an entire bottle of 2009 Edna Valley Chardonnay by myself. That’s not nearly as sad as the texts I’ve nearly sent to various people of the opposite gender, “Are you as as I am about mad men ending? guyz just dont get it, amirite plutonic friend?”

I still read magazines because they make better coasters than iPads.

I can barely see.

French mom! She seems nice and in no way detrimental to Don and Megan’s marriage.

Pete is going to bang Rory. Or at least think about it in a creepy way because everything Pete does is creepy.

LOL “BLACK COFFEE” OUT THERE! I love blatant racism jerks. Go to hell. Why does Ginsberg has stains on his shirt?

PEGGGGGGGGGGY! She has her own office and cigarettes? Peggy Slims!

I really want to a huge Italian sandwich and that’s apropos of nothing.

Joan looks like a hot lesbian librarian with small breasts. HAHA SHE HAS HUGE BREASTS WHAT AM I SAYING.

I’m sorry mom.

I’m literally breaking out in hives. I drank too much. I’m questioning my ethos at this point.

Pete’s hairline is looking worse than mine. Rory Gilmore looks like a whore’s nurse. No fucking clue what that means. HAHA ELECOTROCK SHOCK TREATMENT FOR RORY>!>!> WTF IS GOING ON!>!>>>!>

Question, where is the question mark button on my keyboard?

Obviously Glenn is calling Megan because he’s THE WORST at being a cool pervert.

Pete banging Rory. Cool story Pete, I wish you hung yourself. Wait, Pete just bigged up Los Angeles? Fuck it, I’m BACK ON THE PETE TRAIN. LA > NYC.

Look, Don is completely right. Megan wants exposure, that’s it. How can she ask him for a “break”? She’s a child. A child in need of braces. SORRY I’M DENTIST-SHAMING A WOMAN.

Don keeps seeing his dead-half brother. Sad. Joan’s hair is strikingly short and I love it.

$175,000 in 1967 times is like a kajillion today. It’s weird to profit off death but this is the society we live in, there’s a financial stake in everything, including suicide. We are just numbers, nothing more. #Deep

Don’t marry a French-Canadian because they are NOT very supportive.

“Think of all the brothels you frequent!” Lane’s wife really had no idea who her husband was in any way. Does anyone really know anyone in life?

So deep. So fucking deep.

Roger’s bedspread was the EXACT SAME I HAD IN HIGH SCHOOL. PS: Roger got more action than me then.

“This is what happens when you have an artistic temperament but are not an artist.” WAY TO CUT MY SOUL IN HALF FRENCH TOAST MOM!

Don’s toothache represents………….who cares. Gross dude. I’m going to the dentist ASAP.

DON AND PEGGY I LOVE IT!!!!! Peggy is the best. Don is second best. I know that just disgusted most people but Don is too good-looking to be the best.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA PETE YOU FUCKING STOOGE.

And now Pete gets his Pussy Apartment.

New offices for everyone and Megan gets to show off a ton of cleavage. Everyone wins! Montage! Dogs fornicating for Peggy! Pete listening to his Beats By Dre headphones! Roger’s ass! Don is ready to fuck everyone!

And thus end’s my drunk ramblings. Thanks for reading.