It’s expensive to see movies. It’s not expensive to watch the trailers, guess what it’s about and try to review them. Here’s what’s opening this week.
A teddy bear is a man’s best friend and they smoke weed and crack jokes. If you have LOLed at any of the commercials, I’m not sure what you are doing here because I’m impressed you know how to read or even use askjeeves.org which I’m sure brought you here. This film is about a man-boy learning to grow up and give up his childish ways which is something never done before for a film comedy. Also, I’ve never seen a cute-looking CGI character use dirty language or do drugs before. This is basically the most original movie that has ever come out if you discount every single movie that came out before it. So kudos to the guy who invented Family Guy for another strikingly original portrayal of the American white male at a crossroads of life with jokes that are in no way sloppy, repetitive, and racist.
Mike is a male stripper who runs a club and also builds very intricate furniture from stuff that other people throw away. Does anyone have any idea how hard it is to be an incredibly attractive white male that is also a talented carpenter in America? Ask Jesus, it’s fucking hard. Every day is like, “Who can I have sex with today? How am I going to spend all this money that is ultimately unfulfilling because attaining material wealth in America is not valued? Why is my penis huge? It’s too huge! No one likes huge white penises.” 
Also, where’s the magic? I saw no magic in any of the commercials. I guess his ultimate dream is to pull a bunny from his hat but they don’t even mention it and then he cries some more? Sad Mike.
New Movie Trailers
Total Recall – They remake movies now?
Celeste and Jesse Forever – White people do relationships like this.
The Man With The Iron Fists – RZA!
Cub gets stuck in a garage obviously via The Daily What
Young Giftz – “Nino”
