Ripatranzone: Welcome to the 4th annual Fall TV show preview. Network TV has been on an amazing roll lately with massive hits like Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Just an incredible run by the big four!

You may ask what qualifies us two to be your definitive guide for Television in 2012? Well, I started watching The Sopranos in 1999 and The Wire in 2001 so yeah, I know TV! I also didn’t have any friends but that’s been discussed in my tumblr AT LENGTH. Steph’s credentials are she is smart and actually used VHS tapes to record her favorite TV shows in high school because all the popular girls taped TV shows in Ohio.

Steph: I was smart and taped TV shows in high school, it’s shocking that I was not more popular.

Partners (CBS) September 24th 8:30PM

Steph: Two lifelong friends and business partners couldn’t be more different. When one gets engaged and the other starts a new relationship their partnership surely will be tested!! How will they ever survive?! Oh yeah, one is gay and one is straight so they’re all partners in different ways and I bet a lot of people think the two best friends are gay together, insert laugh track. Silver lining- Sophia Bush is the girl on the show, I hope she chooses clothes over these bros.

Ripp (I don’t want to keep typing “Ripatranzone”): Why are there no funny lesbian characters? It seems like there’s been seven or eight gay male characters but no chicks? Are lesbians not funny? Gay men are funny. They are the Jews of the LBGT community but maybe lesbians are at least the Irish?

Revolution (NBC) September 17th 10:00PM

Ripp: All electricity stops and then there are militias and warlords in a dystopian future. Always with the warlords. This looks good except I can tell I will lose interest in about three episodes. There’s also a weird Hunger Games vibe to it and all the bad guys are mixed race (which, again, I think is a Hunger Games vibe).

Steph: Reading about this show makes my brain hurt due to prolonged inactivity. It’s a cool idea but I’m also worried it won’t match the hype. Creators and cast are great since it’s a mix of Lost, Breaking Bad and Twilight alum (known for it’s great actors). But post-apocalyptic shows never fare too well. Best one I’ve seen was Dark Angel which no one watched because it aired Friday nights. I was in high school at the time, which means due to my aforementioned popularity, I was always home watching it.

The Mob Doctor (Fox) September 17th 9:00PM

Steph: Some of these titles are a little too abstract for me. No idea what this one could be about but it raises a few questions. Why does Matt Saracen keep doing bad doctor shows? And why does the chick from My Boys keep doing shows based in Chicago? I hope they let Jordana Spiro get in a couple good doctor/mob metaphors in voice-over. Doctors are like baseball, I mean mob bosses, just one mistake could end a life forever. Profound.

Ripp: I don’t see how this show can go longer than an episode. “I didn’t purposely kill that guy for you on the operating table.” “OK. I’m going to kill you now.” “OK. Seems fair. You are the mafia.”

The Carrie Diaries (CW) Sometime…in the future!

Steph: Let’s put it this way, I’d rather watch the second Sex and the City movie again (all 147 minutes) than attempt to watch the 44 minute pilot of this show. I lasted about 8 minutes into the episode, I should win a medal. I consider my mental age to be that of a mature 12 year old but this show is aimed way too young. Too bad it doesn’t have a premiere date.

Ripp: This is the worst fictional show ever created.

Best Returning Show:

Steph: How I Met Your Mother. Last season was borderline unwatchable but at least it used to be good, unlike the other options. Side note – Recently, I had someone convinced I was filming a documentary called Sandcastles in the Sand. What’s it called when you say an inside joke that no one else around you gets? I’ve been told I do this to “test” people. It normally ends with people thinking I’m the weird one.

Ripp: Castle. HA! Seriously, probably Regular Show.  Steph doesn’t believe I should be allowed to pick cable shows but should we live in such a world and simply ignore cartoons for 10-year-olds?

Steph: Sure, why not include your favorite cable show when this entire review is solely comprised of broadcast scripted shows.

Tomorrow, previews for Tuesday!