[Ed. Note: We're continuing with health week, Kristen is back to share some tips for dudes about working out. Obviously, everyone on the Internet is in great physical shape and never a douchebag but hey, tell your Dad about some of these things!]
I’m a female and I’ve been in a few gyms a few times. This makes me a fairly reliable source for providing tips on how to perfect the act of being a Douchebag No Girl Would Ever Date Or Casually Sleep With. Now get out there and flex those pecs!
Wear a very tight shirt. Bonus points if you opt for the V-neck. Bonus bonus points if you and your friends openly and loudly discuss whose shirt is tighter and then flex in each other’s faces to simultaneously prove this point and that you are real men.
Wear multiple items from Lululemon. This will prove that you have anywhere from $64 to $78 to spend on a basic pair of gym shorts and either work in finance or just prefer shopping at a store intended for women (don’t let their “Men’s” tab fool you into thinking this isn’t the case). Both of these things will help your Douchebag No Girl Would Ever Date Or Casually Sleep With status.
Correct a girl’s squat form. This will do a good job of establishing your superiority and will in no way give away the fact that you were staring at this girl long enough to judge how she decides to bend over.
Ignore your legs. It’s important that instead of exercising your entire body you focus on only your upper body each time you work out. The monkey look is so in this season.
Don’t wipe down your treadmill after you run. Every girl likes a Douchebag No Girl Would Ever Date Or Casually Sleep With who doesn’t cleans up after himself.
Grunt. This one seals the deal. By doing so you’ll help the females in the gym know what you sound like when you’re having sex without them having to go through the trouble of enduring you taking their clothes off.