Category Archives: Advice

Things worth giving up for Lent

Readers, I have some sobering news for those of you going without alcohol for 40 days: Lent is upon us. I hope you got in your fair share of mild revelry at your local bar, because the next 6 weeks … Continue reading

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Five Ways To Ruin Your Significant Other’s Valentine’s Day

Last year, I wrote about Valentine’s Day not being the complete worst. This year, I will tell you how to destroy it.  I’m so punk rock.  Basically the Avril Lavigne of the Internet. Anal Sex

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Scenarios from 1990s video games that I find rather plausible

Being one of the few people in the civilized world without an advanced gaming system, I miss out on a lot of the social aspects of video games, such as inviting people over to wiggle around in front of an … Continue reading

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Three Things Working in Food Service Taught Me About People

They say that everyone should wait tables at one time in their lives. Of course, “they” are usually current or former waiters, who believe that people should have to serve food to the general public in order to gain empathy … Continue reading

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(Not Top) Five Tips for Single Women Trying To Find A Man

A lot of women ask me about men because I remind them of an older brother or asexual being.  Either way, they feel safe to talk to me and open up about their emotions and shit. So I decided to … Continue reading

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What is SOPA? Also, How Are We Getting Rich From It?

I love money.  I love throwing it around my apartment.  I love setting it on fire.  I love bringing it to stores and purchasing items with it.  The best way to make more money so I continue those activities is … Continue reading

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Top Five Things I Don’t Want to Hear About

“Sometimes people say things and I don’t know what to do with my face.”- David Sedaris I have a very expressive face, which is a pleasant way of saying that I can be kind of an asshole when people say … Continue reading

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Where You Buy Groceries Explains Everything About You

Consumerism has become ingrained into our identities.  Your personality isn’t what defines your persona anymore, your persona is construed by how you choose to spend your money on clothes, entertainment, and groceries.  If you think differently than that, you’re wrong … Continue reading

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Top 5 Worst Days of the Year

Whoever invented the concept of a “day” was pretty clever.  It seems like such an accepted idea but think about the first guy (OR GAL) to go, “OK, let’s not just include the light part but what about when it’s … Continue reading

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Top 10 Hamsterdam Posts of 2011

This marks the end of the first full year of Hamsterdam.  It’s been pretty cool.  For me, it’s a nice way to be creative and have my friends go, “You’re pretty funny, why don’t you try to be a writer?” … Continue reading

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